ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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