Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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