accomplished twins. life is a go
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
