Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize