Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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