Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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