Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
