He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
