Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
