when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
