At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
