I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
