I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
