help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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