Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
