Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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