The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
