btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
