I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
