Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
