chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Michael Bay diarrhea
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize