i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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