why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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