bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
