I smell stomach acid.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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