after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
