did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am one with the molecules
i need some magic done to my vagina
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
