apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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