I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
