i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
