You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
