and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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