my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
