I met the friendliest cop last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why is half of my head shaved?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
