I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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