her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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