Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
