it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
third nipple confirmed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
