I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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