I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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