I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
