Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize