Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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