By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
