im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
