I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
