Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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