Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
