Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you inspire me to be a worse person
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
