Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
