Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
