He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
