What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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