she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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