I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
