I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
