Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
