Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
