Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
