We're facebook friends in real life
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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