i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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