The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
