I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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