lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
