The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
