I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
