dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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