And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize