I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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