She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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