you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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