I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
