I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize