Why is your signature on my underwear?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
