Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
