i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
