I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
