Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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