i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
