ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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