I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
