Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize