Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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