You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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