i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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