I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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