Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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