so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
