AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
