I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
