He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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