Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
