im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
