It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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