I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize