I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
